Fear Stalks, as It Usually Does

THIS UNDATED RENDERING shows what an Inuit igloo might look like if it were fitted with armor and a remote oxygen supply, such as might be desired by a terrorist bent on assassinating former General Petraeus and melting down all of his decorations for use in the manufacture of soft-tipped bullets. Some experts on weapons of mass destruction say that the manufacture of such bullets are often the first step toward wanting to produce nuclear weapons.  This sketch was provided by a nation that monitors terrorists but demanded not to be identified in exchange for providing top secret information.  The nation may or may not be across the Bering Sea from where Inuits live, but reportedly can be seen from Sarah Palin's porch.  A spokesman for the nation said this sketch proves that the structure exists, somewhere, but refused to confirm or deny that its location is near the Bering Sea. Meanwhile, the sales of whaling harpoons were reported to have increased in Siberia, which may or may not be within range of whatever weapons Inuit terrorists would use, if there were Inuit terrorists.  A former high official in the United Nations refused to say whether the UN believed there were or were not any Inuit terrorists. Rick Santorum said that, since Inuits are known to engage in s-e-x, they could very well engage in terrorism as well.  Inuits the AP attempted to contact refused to answer their  phones because they were too busy engaging in what are popularly called "nooners" in that culture.  Santorum prayed for them.  George W. Bush said, "Be afraid.  Be VERY afraid." (An AP exclusive)