A Champion of Science

   I ran across Doc Chu in the desert the other day, counting blossoms on a claret cactus plant.

  "What's up Doc?" I asked.  "Hah!" he chortled.  "Just as I thought.  Gonna be another cold winter."

   "How can you tell?"

   "Odd number of blossoms.  Fifty-three percent of the cacti I've checked have an odd number of blossoms.  Certain sign of a cold winter."

 "Another cold one!" I exclaimed.  "Proof positive of the great Global Warming Hoax."

   It was from Doc, who had a distinguished career reading weather forecasts for a now-defunct radio station in Roswell, N.M., that I first learned the truth about the hoax.  It was the polar bears that did it.

   "The Eemian period," he said, "was a time when this planet got really, really hot.  The polar bears survived that.  They'll survive now."

   Doc's science is sometimes tough for me to follow, but the polar bear thing, I get. That was even before all those e-mails divulged the vast left-wing conspiracy to frighten us into selling our beachfront property cheap.   Al Gore's gonna make a killing buying up beachfront property and selling it to the Chinese when this global warming farce is over.

   Grateful for the opportunity to chat with Chu, I mentioned a scientific paper I had read that very morning in our local newspaper.

  It was written by the eminent scientific authority,  Sarah Palin, who is renowned for her research on moose cadavers.

  The Climate-gate e-mails, she declared, expose "a highly politicized scientific circle -- the same circle whose work underlies the efforts at the Copenhagen climate change conference."  Ms. Palin is familiar with Copenhagen because she can almost see it from the porch of her house in Alaska.

   "As governor of Alaska," she wrote, "I took a stand against politicized science by suing the federal government over its decision to list the polar bears as an endangered species."

   "There it is!"  I said to Doc.  "Just as you told me! It's the polar bears! Once again, Sound Science exposes the Big Lie of climate change!"

    "Aye," said Doc. "Thank God for intellectuals like Ms. Palin who stand guard against the myth-making of the politicized pseudo-scientists. As she taught her daughter, Bristol, years ago, 'If we had listened to the politicized scientific circle, we would never have learned that masturbation causes warts.'"

   Next time Chu and I get together he's going to educate me in the sound science that refutes all this crazy evolution business.  He got the facts straight out of Ms. Palin's book about the Mavericks.