The Visit

Bill Clinton visited the Oval Office the other day.

"Barry," he said. "You've moved the desk."

"No," the President said, "it's right where I found it when I moved in."

"Way to the right of where I had it," Mr. Clinton said.

"Looks to me like it's smack dab in the center," Mr. Obama insisted.

B.C.: "We could call in an intern to measure."

B.O. "No interns!!  Basketball is the preferred sport around here these days."

B.C.  "Whatever.  I came around to offer some advice."

B.O.  "Advice?  But you almost got impeached!"

B.C.: "Only after I'd won a second term."

     (Thoughtful pause.)

B.O. "What's your advice?"

B.C. "Keep an ear to the ground and find out what the Republicans are proposing.  Then offer it as if it were your idea.  That trick always worked for me."

B.O.: "Bill, the Republicans don't propose anything these days.  They oppose everything."

B.C.: "Well, Barry, your numbers are going down fast.  You've got to do something. Voters don't like the way you're handling the economy, foreign policy, health care."

B.O. "But I've got Geithner and Summers and the team working night and day on the economy.  Bush left the big banks needing a bailout.  Now they're showing a profit."

B.C. "A promising start, but. . ."

B.O.: "And I just won a Nobel Peace Prize. . . ."

B.C. : "For not being Bush. . ."

B.O. : "Talk about promising starts!"

B.C.: "Baucus, Nelson and Lieberman seem to have taken over the health care issue. . ."

B.O.: "Well, you turned it over to your wife, and that sure didn't work."

B.C.: "Speaking of Hillary, what's she up to these days?  Chelsea says her Mom travels a lot."

B.O.: "That's what Secretaries of State do, you know."

B.C. "Oops!  Plumb forgot she isn't in the Senate any more."

B.O.: "Anyway, you said you came to offer advice."

B.C. "Well, when voters are angry, I always found it's a good tactic to create a diversion.  Why don't you invade a Muslim country?"

B.O.: "Bush tried that and you know what happened to his numbers.  Isn't there any other kind of diversion?"

B.C.:  "I could check with Bob Rubin but he already works for you.  Doesn't Gates have any advice?"

B.O.: "He says he's got his hands full with Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea. . ."

B.C.: "There's always Panama, but you need something that plays better in Peoria."

B.O.: "There must be some way to divert public attention from the shortcomings of the government ."

B.C.  "Well, there is one thing. . . . Do you know what a thong is?"